what to do when you have male friends and a boyfriend

For virtually men, food is the linguistic communication of love. However, a delicious meal could tear you and your guy apart merely every bit hands equally it can bring you together—that is, if y'all're dining with some other dude.

In a recent Cornell University study, researchers asked participants how they would feel if their electric current romantic partner engaged in various activities with a former flame, and they discovered that having luncheon or dinner with an ex elicited significantly more sexual jealousy than interactions that didn't involve food, like meeting upwards for coffee.

The reason? Sharing a meal with someone is perceived equally a highly intimate activeness. "The words 'It'southward just lunch' are about equally reassuring to hear from a partner as 'We're just skillful friends,'" says Craig Malkin, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and psychology instructor at Harvard Medical School.

Merely only because you're in a committed relationship doesn't mean you should ditch your guy friends—fifty-fifty those your single self might go for, or ex-boyfriends. "When we give up aspects of ourselves, including meaningful friendships, we stop being the person our partner barbarous in love with," explains Lisa Firestone, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert. "We lose our vitality, and the human relationship suffers."

And so if you want to have your guy friends and eat with them, too, avoid creating undue jealousy past post-obit these tips for managing relationships with all the men in your life:

Be upfront. If you program to hang out with a male friend, be completely open about information technology. Secrecy not only makes your partner more insecure, but, co-ordinate to Malkin, it tin can also increase the odds that you'll cantankerous the line with your friend. "Retrieve Romeo and Juliet—forbidden love, especially the secret kind, is exciting," he says.

Consult your guy. Earlier recruiting a guy friend to take hold of a drink or catch a motion-picture show, ask your partner which activities he is comfortable with. Giving him the opportunity to offer input will both reassure him and preclude yous from crossing the line while spending time with your friend. "It puts you lot in the proper mindset where everything is out in the open up. Actively thinking about boundaries is the easiest way to keep from crossing them," says Malkin.

Invite him along. Not just volition this evidence your man that y'all have nada to hide, only hanging out with each other's friends can also make for a healthier relationship. When partners compress their worlds to accommodate each other, their human relationship is affected, says Firestone. "Meet his friends and accept him encounter yours, so you're both enlarging your circle of friends."

Make it a grouping matter. When a human being and a adult female swallow solitary, information technology can feel similar a date, just having more people around can assist dilute the intimacy. A grouping setting is an particularly smart idea if you're enlightened of any underlying feelings of attraction. "You can't brazenly flirt when other people are around, and neither can he," says Malkin.

Talk your partner up. If you're meeting a platonic pal at, say, a restaurant, try leading with, "My beau (or hubby) would love this place," suggests Malkin. "It won't necessarily discourage every guy from shifting out of the friend zone," he says, "but information technology places your partner front and center in your thinking, which makes it more likely that you volition keep the conversation in the friend zone."

Skip the booze. Research shows that a good mood is a turn-on, and then the feel-adept buzz of a cocktail can make a lunch date experience more intimate than yous'd planned—especially if you lot're attracted to your dining partner. "Alcohol loosens inhibitions, making you lot far more than probable to flirt if y'all have the slightest urge at all," explains Malkin.

Avoid relationship talk. Confiding in a male friend about your relationship problems tin can make your guy feel betrayed. (How would you feel if he divulged the details of your last fight to his female friend? Aye, that'southward what we thought.) What's more, co-ordinate to Malkin, research has shown that merely acting romantically—like sharing of import emotions—tin actually create romantic feelings, which may give your guy friend the wrong idea.

Don't be a hypocrite. Your man needs to keep his female person friends for nevertheless reasons you need to keep your male friends, and ragging on him for having daughter pals could pb to dishonesty. "If you restrict your partner, he might resent you," explains Firestone, "and he may become less straightforward to avoid your wrath."